“Why?”

For those few (if any!) that do regularly read or subscribe to my blog, you no doubt have noticed that the vast majority of my posts have a single word for the titles. Although in all honesty this was not initially a conscious decision, it serves two purposes and particular. First, just as I can effectively summarize my chararacter using single words (see Nutshell), these single-word titles help to summarize the posts.

But another reason why I use single words, is to showcase both my favorite words, and words that reflect things that are of interest or importance to me– otherwise, these things may not be known at all, and even when it is, such a list will always be incomplete, because even if I could remember all my favorite words and concepts, more are added regularly as I mature and experience new things, and acquire new knowledge and wisdom.

Now to the real point of the post:

A year ago I went to community college, and took a course introducing philosophy. Philosophy liad the foundation for most, if not all the modern sciences, as well as mathematics. Perhaps it is for this reason that mathematics, and most of the sciences, are abstract in nature, as philosophy is among other things an extremely abstract and conceptual subject.

Perhaps you have noted that I include concepts as a strength for me – indeeed, most of my posts are to a great degree conceptual and by extension abstract in nature. But at the same time, abstraction is one of my greatest weaknesses.

A while back, I documented many things about myself, and how they seemingly contradict with other aspects of my life. Due to its relative importance, it’s included on the header bar as to not be ignored. Although it has eluded me until today, abstraction is one of these, but at the same time I discovered “Why?”.

That is, upon asking “Why?”, the answer revealed itself. The reason is because abstract things [for me] are difficult to comprehend initially [which I initially blamed on lack of (literal) imagination], but once I do, I usually remember it forever, and understand it completely.

At the same time, I have an incredible passion for that which is abstract, among them philosophy, psychology, and mathematics. My passion for these is rooted in my love of concepts. Mathematics is a love that I once had (over time I lost it due to some detours in my life), and I desire to get it back someday, hopefully soon. But of all that which is abstract, I am weak when it comes to mathematics, simply because it deals with numbers.

There are two areas that I am weak in: One of them is mechanics- that is, the configuration, customization, construction, and repair of the physical aspects of objects (hardware). The other great weakness (the one relevant to this post in that it deals with the abstract), is the comprehension and (especially) memory of names, numbers, and other inherently arbitrary data– things that are dependent on separate media (prerequisites) to be understood. This is why I hate prerequisites!

It is very difficult for me to understand anything without an immediately apparent meaning and valid relationship, and this has proven to be a huge obstacle to me, making life often very difficult. But I think it’s well worth it, since these are only two significant weaknesses, compared to so manyinvaluable strengths. I may have trouble memorizing people’s names, or historical dates or numbers, but at least for for that information that is readily apparent to me, I understand intimately.

The reason for these weaknesses is very important: I have trouble seeing, understanding, or remembering anything that does not have an immediate and direct answer– one that corresponds, or can correspond to a very specific question. I’m like an answer engine in this respect, in that I seem to know everything, but if I don’t already know exactly what you’re talking about, I’m useless.

There is a very appropriate parallel concept that I have learned in philosophy: “a priori” versus “a posteriori”: Basically, a priori principles refer to knowledge that can be grasped without actual experience, whereas a posteriori principles require experience and evidence to be known and understood.

“I can always remember what I’ve forgotten when the need presents itself”

How this all relates: I have an incredible talent for grasping simple concepts, and for learning things very quickly, and for analyzing, figuring out, and understanding certain things, given that the answers are relatively simple. But once prerequisites come into play (damn you!), things become increasingly difficult to comprehend.

Thus, my greatest strength is also my greatest weakness.

Over time, I have learned to very effectively compensate for this weakness (and capitalize on this strength), by means of deductive reasoning. I have developed a habitual system (albeit initially subconsciously) of taking what I have learned (99% of which is attained through the “Why?” factor), recording it [in this blog], and thus remembering it– then building upon this knowledge.

Although I cannot easily remember or understand complex concepts/knowledge/etc., that data becomes simple once [by means of the "Why?" factor] I have understood their / its prerequisites. And because most of it is recorded, I can always remember what I’ve forgotten when the need presents itself.

If there was a most distinctive trait about me, it would most definitely be my inquisitive nature. I’d even go so far as to say that my entire life has, to some degree or other, revolved around finding the reason and meaning in anything and everything.

It is for this reason that I live life like a rebel, precociously second-guessing everything and everyone around me. I have gotten to the point that I fit the stereotype of “know-it-all”, behaving as if I’m always right, and that I know about everything. People around me misunderstand, naturally. Anyone who has seen this side of me- everyone has concluded unanimously that I have some sort of Ego “complex”, that I need to always be right– that I hate to lose– that I am unwilling to admit when I am wrong.

What people don’t get is that I really don’t care about all that– if anything, I want to be proven wrong. At least in the ultimate sense, I recognize that I know nothing– something few other people would be willing to admit.

I have longed to have every kind of experience, positive and negative, that I might better understand and relate to everyone. I have thought constantly about the nature of adaptation, what motivations actions (Causality)– moral and immoral alike; the true nature of things and the soul; Whether God exists, and what his nature is. I regularly do things that I know are foolish, dangerous, and adnormal- not because I am rebelling against the world, but so that I can experience the meaning in life, and to know Why?they are ‘wrong’, occasionally concluding that some things that are considered wrong are relatively neutral, and in some cases, right.

After all this time searching for a purpose for my life, I have found one: I am an observe. Thus, I ask why, so that I may better comprehend my observations.

Update: “Observer” is the purpose of “th3g1vr”, one of my three main personalities. by comparison, “Trailblazer” is the purpose of Kurutio, and “Revolutionary” is the purpose of Matthias.