About

I actually look better than this right now ;-)

I’m a hopelessly and obsessively curious individual, who will do just about anything at least once, just to see what it feels like, and to experience first-hand the consequences. Another way of putting it: I was the kid who jumped not because he thought he could fly– rather, not caring whether I did or not- jumped to see what would happen.

In part as a byproduct of my relentless and illogical curiosities, I’ve been labelled asshole, strange, interesting, asinine, funny, weird, rebellious, eccentric, crazy, fun, eccentric, provocative, cute, mysterious, candid, captivating, intellectual, profound, and many other things.

But although many of these labels are extremely diverse in their connotations, and even apparently contradictory- they can squeeze together perfectly under the proverbial umbrella of “unique”, which– ironically– is the one thing I’ve never been called. But my uniqueness is actually the byproduct of my unrivalled curiosity.

This website/blog is an account of everything I have thought about, and by extension the biographical account of how my curiosity drove me to intellectual and psychological madness, and the aftermath(?) thereof.

Originally, I planned to split it into several different blogs dedicated to the various major aspects of my curiosity (in particular emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and self-hating), but then I came up with the brilliant (not!) idea of using wordpress’s categories to contain all of these sites in one- while at the same applying other posts to multiple categories they are deemed allegedly relevant too..

All of writing on this blog is inherently motivated by self-gratification, in particular so as to support the illusion that people actually “need” me, or that I as an individual am actually changing the world to some extent [which I am not]. Even though it’s an illusion, as long as I do not accept it as such, I can benefit from it even after admitting it. “Curious”, isn’t it?

However, the original inspiration and incentive for starting this blog (or more accurately, the blog upon which this one is based, which was further based upon some now-defunct sub-domain web pages, which [if you have a fetish for dead links] can be found with a google search of “trailbl4zr”, among them:

http://trailbl4zr.110mb.com http://trailbl4zr.biografi.info and http://trailbl4zr.brinkster.net/

As such, I like to think that the things that I write about have been, are, and will be of use to people from all walks of life, though majority of which will also inevitably be possessed by a similarly unnatural passion for philosophy.

As this blog is both intuitive and candid in nature, you should expect a great deal of inconsistency, hypocrisy, and contradiction. There is also a great deal of content that you will not even begin to understand until you have become quite aquainted with previous writing.

To truly understand where I’m coming from in any given post, you must first read everything in this blog prior. Even then you might not understand, as there was a period in time (November 2007-April 2008 where I wrote a great deal in notebooks and scraps of paper, but never typed (and thus never published). Eventually I’ll get around to it.

Material that is/was/will be published a significant period of time after it was initially written, is usually revised significantly to make it more compatible with current thought– similar to the transition from a demo-tape to commercial album. In that spirit, all such posts are/will be organized in the Category “Remasters”, in addition to their other respective categories.

I would highly recommend browsing by category should you visit this site, if any of the categories align with your intests or concerns, they are bound to be of interest to you.

But unfortunately, due to laziness, depression, and the fact that design reformation didn’t occur to me until fairly recently, the category system (as you might have noticed) is yet to be set up, and may not be set up for a long while yet, as I do not know how much time I will have for that while in Job Corp. But you can look forward to it, as I will definitely get around to it. This website is after all, unusual as it might be, a higher priority than making friends, and just about any other social obligation.

I know I haven’t written too much here that is actually about who I am (thus defeating the point of the “About” page, but then again, I’m a lazy fuck-up, and I’ll get around to it eventually- not to mention it’s not too important in the short-run.

My curiosities have driven me to:

1. Start, instigate, and escallate arguments.

2. Explore, rationalize, justify, and participate in just about any taboo/fetish that I had an opportunity to get away with.

3. Play the devil’s advocate for anything and everything that comes to mind.

4. Self-experimentation to the extent of causing significant psychological damage.

5. Willingly thinking about things that cause me suffering, for the sole sake of knowing what it’s like to bear such feelings.

6. Causing inadvertent self-harm to myself in order to “feel more alive” or to know what it feels like to engage in certain dangerous activities.