Ego

I once made the controversial remark “everyone always believes what they want to believe, and perhaps more controversially, “everyone always sees what they want to see. Although these statements are without a doubt bold and extremely presumptive, and would be considered “closed-minded” by society’s standards, it will all make sense if you take into account that it’s the Ego’s job to control perception. You know how sometimes you see things– or should I say ‘imagine’ certain things, only to snap out of that sort of trance to realize that it was “just your imagination”? Well guess what, that little something was a psychological glitch. That’s right, occurances like that are the symptoms of bugs in the- or should I say your Ego’s Matrix.

This is more than just a convenient reference to “The Matrix” trilogy– everyone’s Ego has the same level of control over them- over their perception, as “The Matrix” had over humanity, as depicted in the movies. In a very direct sense, I’ve spent much of the last couple years trying desperately to escape from my Ego, or at the very least from the matrix that it has myself, and everyone else trapped in. When they say “perception is your greatest enemy”, this is what is meant.

But at the same time, we cannot “exist” without our Ego. Sometimes we hate it, and sometimes we love it, but either way we can’t live without it. But my question is, “Is the Ego part of me, or is it manipulating me from the inside?” This question comes at the heart of one of my most troubling concerns- ulterior motives. Specifically, even though the Ego may be part of me– especially since it may be part of me, I worry about who I really am, what I’m really supposed to be doing. Is the Ego preventing me from achieving my true potential- realizing my true nature? I’d say yes it is.

But at the same time, I know that there is a me inside that really doesn’t care about all this philosophy and meaning of life bullshit, doesn’t care about ambition or success or pride, doesn’t care about what people think– that me just wants to be happy. But in almost all cases, partly because I’m so weak-willed, I almost always lose to my Ego. For that reason I feel so fake- so superficial, like a puppet, serving the purposes of another me. My greatest comfort for this insecurity regarding my identity:

My model of truth, and the discovery thereof. That is, it doesn’t matter whether or not anything is objectively true or valid- what really matter is how certain ‘truths’ inspire, influence, and affect this world, and my world– and the realities of both. In other words, truth is not found in what is valid or provable, but in that which inspires, and ultimately that which brings about change in the world. ‘The proof is in the pudding’.

My goal, although it will no doubt be difficult and, at times, unbearable, is to discover amd live in a reality as independent as possible from my Ego and SuperEgo, and especially the Ego. Only then will I find a truly enlightened understanding of what truth really is. And if I fail, I will at least discover many amazing things along the way, and inspire others to take over where I left off– a proverbial “passing the baton”. Or rather, I’m sure I myself am only continuing where countless others throughout history have left off– a cosmic journey that may even surpass time itself.