Psychic

As I’ve mentioned or inferred in several posts in the past, I believe myself to, some extent, have psychic powers. This will be the first, and presumably only post that is completely dedicated to such an assertion.

A few weeks ago, when I got my iPhone fixed (even though it was outside warranty due to a Jailbreak, the guy at the counter generously ignored that fact) I installed and tried out the game “Reaction!”, to kill time during a Caltrain trip. It was then that I found my first concrete evidence of my psychic abilities, and started to take them seriously. Before it was just entertaining thoughts, but now I know for sure there is definite potential for application to real life.

Here’s how it went:

(a) I tested my reflexes with utmost concentration to get the best reaction times.

with this method my average times were 400-600 milliseconds, with an occasional 3.

(b) I emptied my mind as much as possible, waiting not for the physical change, but instead expecting a particular sensation: this sensation, depending upon my state of mind, the circumstances, and the environment, can take the form of a sound, an emotion, a sense of being jerked, touched, etc., and in most cases, it’s a combination of these. Once the presence of this sensation becomes clear, I concentrate on the nature of it’s existence (i.e. what kind it is), and what it’s telling me about the object in question- which in this case, is the mechanics of the reflex game.

Using this method, I consistently (even after hundreds of tests) achieved an average of 200-400 milliseconds seconds, with an occasional 1.

*Note that with both methods, “occasional 1/3” refers to between 100-200 milliseconds, and between 300-400 milliseconds– i.e., About 150 milliseconds for the latter*

I also pushed my luck by using my “powers” to achieve lower times with my eyes closed. This would remove all doubt that the powers were psychic, since such coincidences are essentially impossible to achieve by conventional means. Although the results were far from consistent, it was with my eyes closed that I got the occasional 1. I did not get any lower than 200 milliseconds with my eyes open.

It is a widely held belief that (a) intuition exists, and (b) it is inherently unreliable. But I think that is a misconception. It is not intuition that is unreliable it is us. If intuition is spiritual knowledge manifested in us (which I believe it to be), that would make it the knowledge of God– that is, knowledge that takes into account everything- all that is. Human beings are imperfect, and we constantly make mistakes with our own knowledge. So then, since God’s knowledge is so far beyond us, if we are to apply God’s knowledge to our own lives, despite being imperfect, our imperfections will be extremely exaggerated, that it might match the gap between the knowledge that we comprehend, and that knowledge which we never will, since it is so far beyond us.

If intuition is that far beyond us in scope, it’s only natural that we, using that which we will never understand it, might perceive it as unreliable. For me, the example that first comes to mind is a person, having never used computers, trying to create a blog using wordpress.org software. While it is arguably the most powerful blog software in existence, the learning curve is insanely high to a novice, so it would be impossible for a newbie to use. So on that basis, the majority of people might say that wordpress.org software is critically lacking. It’s not that wordpress is lacking, or that intuition is lacking, it’s us who are.

I believe intuition to be infinite in application– how we apply it depends on our own potential. Whenever I see an opportunity, I train my mind, that I might be able to more consistently utilize my inherent intuitive (and by extension, psychic) abilities. If I’m able to fine-tune them to a reasonable level, it might even get to the point that I can safely walk outside, cross streets, and get to and from destinations, blindfolded; I may be able to sing songs I’ve never heard perfectly without the lyrics; or I may be able to absorb information, without reading it, but simply following it with my fingers. Of course, there are more idealistic goals like mind-reading, spiritual awareness, etc.- but for now I think I’ll stick with what I seem to specialize in: prophesy.

While I’ve found my evidence in short-term prophesy (the reflex game), I’ve been more-or-less aware of my prophetic gift for a few years now, although I did not begin to understand it till fairly recently. It started, ironically, in the relm of dreams. I believe that all dreams are, in one way or another, prophetic, and that they all play some role in regards to the future– if its use does not become evident to the initial dream, they, and their reincarnations/etc., will dream it, or variations of it, as many times as possible until it comes to terms with its purpose. As the saying goes, “where dreams end, reality begins”

This has been the case especially with me. I’ve had several dozen recurring dreams, a few of which I could list off the top of my head. Of these, there is one that particularly stands out, and that which has no evident link to anything I’ve experienced in reality (that is, outside a dream-state or “episode”): Although there are several variations of it, there are a few traits in common: (1) suffocation (2) helplessness (3) agony. But by far the most distinctive, and most important trait: those three traits only occur after a certain stage in the dream: (4) Become aware that it is a dream, and subsequently wanting to forcibly wake up from it. I also get the feeling that #4 is also ultimately the reason the prior traits are experienced, which is also of significance. I go into great detail regarding this in Kurushii.

Probably the first time I had that kind of dream was when I was 7 years old, and the most recent time was just a few days ago. But I think that, now that the dream has fulfilled its purpose, I won’t have it anymore. But the first time that I became aware of my “powers”, although at that point I had not identified them as such, was after the most extreme variation of this dream- one to which I quite literally woke up screaming and vomiting simultaneously. It was after this that my mind began to race– and these symptoms quickly escalated into Bipolar. Thinking back on it now, the timing is too convenient– this all took place at the same time that the growth hormone that I had been taking went into effect. So even if indirectly, my taking of the growth hormone caused the manifestation of my mental illness, and thus what caused my aunt to abandon me.

But after this point, which was around the time I entered King’s Academy (transferring in the second semester of 8th grade) I started becoming very stressed, attached, obsessed, and insecure. Or perhaps, I was already, but just was given a glimpse, for the first time, of who I really was. Perhaps my past was the price for this gift- I don’t know. Even back then, I was not at all aware of my feelings, or even my thoughts- perhaps it was because I didn’t want to know. I was content, in spite of all that, living in a blissful ignorance– looking back now, you couldn’t blame me. I was completely innocent. Sometimes I still long for that innocence, but I know what I really want is that kind of simple-minded happiness.

Eventually I began to hear what I called “the voices” which, although incoherent mutterings– which come to think of it are surprisingly similar to the “Culling” sound of the Wraith in Stargate Atlantis– of which I understood, and was overwhelmed, not by the voices themselves, but the emotions I sensed in them, calling out to me– all of a negative sort of desperation- not much different from the emotions I’ll describe in my Kurushii post.

In retrospect, every time I’ve had that recurring dream, and every time I’ve heard “the voices”, something life-altering happened, although- especially considering the vagueness of it all, that’s completely open to interpretation. But in either case, in one way or another, “the voices” have made incredibly drastic changes in the course of my life, which otherwise would not have been possible. The existence of them should therefore not be taken lightly.

Another manifestation of my prophetic abilities took place in my writing of the latter half of the 1st chapter of “Essence of the Soul”. The experiences I’ve been going through lately are the fulfillment of that.

Well, there are other examples of this kind, but I’ve tend to try to stay away from including too many examples in my blog posts, since it seems to redundant for my taste. So that’s about it– I’ll just be training my psychic abilities now. ps: although I already mentioned this in the previous post, just to make something clear: When I use the word “Psychic” I’m not just referring to commonly defined psychic abilities– when I use the word psychic, I’m referring any manifestation of intuitive abilities– thus: witchcraft, meditation, hypnosis, improvisation, speed-reading, and any manifestation of such kind is also psychic to me.

Denial

Although I have only thought of the contents of this post right now, this post is a milestone post because (a) It is the cumulation of what I have written in several posts in the past (most of which are still untyped, unfortunately) and (b) these thoughts are breakthrough-level insights.

In my inquiries regarding motivation (which have been the cause of much anxiety in the past week), I have gained many insights and had some exciting discoveries, of spiritual, mystical, and psychological nature. Now I have finally reached the single answer to what motivates us all. Of course, in my post Pride I had pretty much figured it out, but an answer is useless if you do not understand it, as I do now. See, although it is true that everything we do is motivated by pride, I failed to consider “Why?” The reason why can naturally be answered in one word, which (as you have no doubt guessed) is Denial. Yes I have to bold it, for emphasis :P

In other words, we live life in denial, running away from the truth, and using pride as an excuse. I can think of examples of this all over the place- the Crusades, the gross amount of deception in many relationships, politics, religion, and the paradox of trust. What is the paradox of trust, you ask? Well actually I coined the term, but it goes like this:

(1) Trust has the innate requirement of honesty, with complete trust requiring total honesty.

(2) Trust also requires that someone/something is dependable, as trust is the essence of dependence.

(3) Nothing in this world is dependable, because, in and of itself, nothing is perfect.

(4) Therefore, trust requires assuming the impossible- in other words, any level of trusting something/someone requires believing in lies (to compensate for imperfection) or if possible, completely ignore the imperfections, to the point that they do not (perceptively) exist.

(5) Inversely, gaining someone’s trust requires deceiving when needed to compensate for one’s perceived imperfections, and/or manipulating others into completely ignoring one’s imperfections.

Thus, the only way to solve the paradox of trust is to compensate one’s imperfection with lies, and not get caught (if one gets caught lying, that would destroy the trust achieved). But this only half-solves it, as all those between which the trust is built are still lying, and being lied to. Even if awareness of the lies are limited to each individual, they are still lies, and so true trust does not exist. Even if God is perfect, we still cannot truly trust him, as trust is mutual, and God cannot trust us, knowing we are imperfect.

Getting back to the point: What is it then, that we are in denial of, that we are running away from? Well, as illustrated in “the paradox of trust” (as I hereby coin it), we are running away from the truth.

The truth hurts. While searching for views on truth, I found a blog post here. At the beginning of the post, thoughtsonquotes summarized what I’m about the clarify in this post, with the following words:

Most people don’t want to know the truth. Instead, they want validation for existing beliefs or positions. They do this for several reasons: ego, denial, ignorance and insecurity.

My take is that “ego”, “ignorance”, and “insecurity” all fall under “denial”, of course. In my post Love, although lacking in many areas, was correct in underlying premise:

Humans have certain beliefs that, although intrinsically illogical, our mind relies on to some extent for survival, such as:

(a) “We are more important than [at least a few] other people” (b) “We will live forever”                 (c) “We have a defining purpose for our existence” (d) “[at least some] people need us”

The fulfill these impossibilities, we force ourselves into denial, believing lies in order to maintain our “sanity”, and/or happiness. Thus, the best way to be happy is to give ourselves dreams that cannot be fulfilled, and spend our lives trying to achieve them.

To immortalize ourselves, we become “good people” (believing in the lies of religion) or invest in the community (utilizing the “paradox of trust) or prepare our children for a better future (which relies on the fallacy that the future is a reflection of the past, or that we can know anything with certainty. (as you might have realized by that last assertion, I am a total skeptic. Well, I guess I have been for a while, but just never seriously considered it. This is one of my Living Contradictions.

Well, the rest is adequately explained in the Love post.

So why is it that the truth hurts? What agony could be so great that we have an innate compulsion to run away from it, live in this denial, lest the truth overtake us, and we be overwhelmed by it? If it exists and has a nature similar to that which I am discovering it to be, the soul knows the answer, and in all probability, the pain we feel when awareness of the truth peaks- it may well reflect the agony that the soul is experiencing. But while I do not know the answers, one thing that I am certain of (although no more “certain” than everyone else is “certain” of their lies :P ) :

In order for the truth to exist there must be lies- I feel that the fact that we are in denial is out of necessity, to maintain balance. That is, without truth, nothing would exist, because truth is the essence of lies. This brings up another important question: What is lies? No, not what common sense, or the dictionary tells us. I never was one to follow “common sense” anyway. But rather, “Why?” do lies exist (even outside the necessity by which to distinguish truth), what purpose do they serve, ultimately. Of course, this is a question well beyond the nature of deception, however.

This goes beyond the word, even the concept, and is probably a question that will go unanswered, because it relies on the unreliable premise that things are as we perceive them, which I don’t believe in to begin with. Perhaps things are how we see them. That’s how my brother sees things, being a materialist. Perhaps I am an idealist not because I have intuitively concluded so, but simply because I am in denial, that I don’t want to accept the way things are. This isn’t unlikely, because I, being human, have the innate desire for change, and to perpetually view the world differently, making the present and the future one, and the past irrelevant.